...like a child...

Have you ever had a moment that was so emotionally overwhelming that everything you saw began to seem like you were in a dream? Maybe you felt like you were having an out of body experience, or something of the like. Either way, it was SURREAL.

I recently had a moment like this, and just recalling it for this post takes my heart to a similar place, though the music in the background may be playing a part in that as well. :)

At CVII, we have short term missionaries that come in to serve and love on these kiddos. One specific missionary spent two months here. He had one major "up" on every other short-termer, and also myself, he spoke Spanish, fluently. He was able to communicate. I'm a firm believer that without proper communication ability, you are handicapped in being able to love. He had no handicaps. The kids felt his love for them and all grew very fond of him.

Well, the day arrived when it was time to say our goodbyes. No one was looking forward to this day. He had been such a great asset to CVII, but most importantly, he had become apart of the family here. But, alas, he was flying out the next morning, so that night had to be "goodbye night." He had already said goodbye to some, but then he came to the home of the weest ones, (which also happens to be my home).

And it began. He started bidding them farewell, and one girl began crying...then like a set of dominoes falling, each girl began to cry. I'm certain you have an idea of what it looks and sounds like to cry. Erase those images from your head, and begin to imagine MOURNING and WAILING. Crocodile tears fell from their faces as they embraced this man they had grown to so deeply love. They didn't want to let him go.

I came upon the scene later than I would have liked. I could hear something from my room, and my roommate confirmed that it was coming from this sorrowful goodbye. I had to see it for myself. I haven't heard such sounds before. It was the sounds of mourning over death.

As I walked down the 2 flights of stairs, the sounds only began to deafen my ears. It was so loud. I rounded the corner and the sight I saw was one of heartbreak. Utter heartbreak. There was a girl, literally "crying in her soup". Head down just sobbing. However the majority were crowding around this young man, begging and pleading with him not to go. They wanted to be the last one to be hugged, to be the last one he touched.

I was overwhelmed. I fought not to have my eyes filled with tears. It was love without abandon. Love without shame. It was emotional love. It was true love. It was full of hurt and pain...but one that each baby girl considered worth it.

It was only in talking to this man afterwards that it began to sink in. Why are we adults not like this? When did we begin to fear showing the emotions of love? When did we begin to protect ourselves from being hurt in love? Why is it that we don't cry over those we love?

"...like a child."

I remember being a child and crying when my out-of-state grandparents would leave. I was so tender towards them. I would want them to stay, to be with me always, but they always had to go. I loved them so much, yet my love couldn't keep them near me. But that didn't stop me from showing them every single emotion of my sorrow in their departure.

Love is a beautiful thing. It is a challenge to revert to our child-like paradigm, and to love with out abandon. Some may believe it is childish to do so...but after this incredibly overwhelming experience, I don't believe so. It is the new prayer of my heart to love like a child.

My thoughts after drinking caffeine for the first time in months...

Tonight a group of highly respected people who are currently in my life, began to discuss submission. Oh, submission. So many women tremble at the sound of those words. But I am not one of those women. So to be fair to those women, I'm just going to put it out there right now that I don't fully understand that stance...so all I say is certainly built on certain feelings I have about it, but is also, Lord willing, based on what the word of God says.

I read the book Under Cover a few years ago and it changed my ENTIRE perspective on authority. We live in a culture that regularly promotes undermining, disrespecting, demoralizing, and all out disobeying authority. Have you ever heard the saying, "What they don't know, won't hurt them?" There are thousands more sayings just like this, and the purpose of those comments is for you to be exalted, and your authority to be made stupid.

But what is spiritual authority? And what is it's purpose? I honestly don't have all the answers to those questions, but one thing I do know that it is not meant to restrict, but to give freedom. "For it is for FREEDOM that we have been set FREE." So we are free. I heard a story once of children playing in a back yard. For a period of time there was no fence that gave boundaries to the yard, and the children didn't play much farther than 10 feet away from the house, not because they were told too, but because they didn't feel safe venturing off. The parents then built a fence, and the moment that fence went up the children felt the freedom to run ALL around the fenced in area. They were no longer confined in lack of safety. I believe that authorities, of all kinds, are like that fence. Giving us the freedom to run where we ought to run. It is, however, our choice to jump the fence, and that, my friends, is called rebellion.

Entering into a marriage, a woman naturally comes under the submission (the authority) of a man. It is her role. "...wives, submit to your husbands." Many women believe that it takes away from their independence. "Having to submit means that I will never be able to win a battle, or that my thoughts won't matter, or that I will be bound so closely to a man, I won't have my freedom." Those are valid, but immature thoughts, in my opinion. It should be considered an honor, a protection, even a blessing to be under the authority of a man. Why? Well...one major reason is because his level of eternal accountability will be 100 times more extreme, than yours. Another is because, that is who God created HIM to be. We women like to steal the role of men because we think we have some right, but we were NOT created to be the spiritual authority, we are created to be the spiritually submissive! We should be esteeming him in his role, and be identified by our role.

I realize that I'm BARELY scratching the surface here...

Don't you want to be protected? Submitting to your husband is one INCREDIBLE way that God has given you protection. Don't you want to enjoy freedom, the way the Lord intended it? Then submission is the answer for you!

And a warning, oh daughters of Eve, we are manipulative. We know how to let the "Man be the head, but the woman (us) is the neck, and we can turn the head which ever way we want." Don't have a false sense of submission, trying to manipulate the "head" is NOT submissive. Trust your husband, he has the world (his and yours) on his shoulders. You can help him carry it by being humble in heart, and submitting under his authority.

Once again, these are words from an unmarried woman...so...take it or leave it...

Welcome to South America, Sarah Gnagey

I have now been here for over a week. My heart is full. Upon arriving, I was met by a team from Jonesboro, AR...nothing like leaving Jonesboro to find more people from Jonesboro. It was the gracious hand of God. I have begun to settle in. It is no easy task to learn the differences in my life in the US versus my life here. I live on the third floor of my building (out of four)...there are no elevators or escelators so you beast up your 51 pound bag all on your own. We walk most places, rather than drive. It is not unusal for a man to stop in the middle of the road you are walking down and say "Well Hello"...many of the men of this culture are quite vulgar. The differences in food here are minute...but there is no Dr. Pepper. Flexibility is my new favorite word as it often takes 4 tries to get everything right here, and neither try is easy. There is nothing easy here. It all comes by hard work...and that is good for the soul. I waited 4 hours to become a resident here, for a long while my passport was in the wrong pile. They communicate differently, they live differently.

But the weirdest thing, is that I'm the happiest I have ever been. The JOY is returning. Closure to my previous season has happened and the excitement has begun. It is good to be led by Jesus Christ.