Home

...for those of you who don't know, I'm now home, not to return to Colombia...unless I'm led back there again. Here's to the future and not knowing what's next. Feeling a little bohemian.

I'm passionate about the truth being told. I'm passionate about seeing the truth be alive in myself and in others. I'm passionate about the truth winning over lies.

But I have been finding something similar in a lot of people recently. People are told lies, but believe them as truths, and in many cases they would stake their lives on the lie, because they believe it is the truth so much.

One of the major fruits I see in this lie phenomenon is the basis of "feelings". "I feel this, or I feel that, so it must be true, right?" But I have a lie revealing truth for all...feelings do not always reveal truth. They are not where truth is birthed. Feelings can enhance an experience of truth. Feelings can also enhance the experience of a lie, and in that situation they act as "proof" of the truth.

But, for lack of knowledge, many people entertain lies. Let's take for instance the media. People will watch the news and then relay what's happening to others as if there is no twist in it. Or let's take a "Christian" book. Many people will read a book, and then relay it as if it was infallible, and receive the sole revelation based off an opinion, rather than a truth.

See Satan is tricky, and he can make a lie look like a truth. And I have seen the works of Satan in others lives as he has told his lie, offered his lie, had his lie received, and then the person mirrors their life, even defines their life, based off this lie. It goes even past a feeling to believing you were created to become this lie. You can see the easy progression from freedom to chains.

But there is ABSOLUTE truth, and the absolute truth is being told to you. I'm reminded of the story with the sower and the seed. The seed is being put out. But it falls on four different kinds of soil. And I believe as a believer, we can have four responses to the truth. One, it will fall on deaf ears, and not make it to the soil. Or it may fall on a soil that is shallow, and with out the depth, the roots can't grow down. Or it could fall on a soil that is full of weeds, distracting the seed from producing fruit. But lastly could fall upon cultivated soil that is ready to receive and begin to grow the truth into a revelation that bears truth up to a hundred fold. I know that different truths have fallen on different soils at different points in my life.

But here's the point people:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEAR FRUIT OF A LIE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE TRUTH BEING TOLD TO YOU. CULTIVATE THE SOIL OF YOUR HEART TO RECEIVE TRUTH. BE WILLING TO KILL THE LIE, IN ORDER TO PRODUCE TRUTH. ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT TO REVEAL WHAT LIES YOU HAVE BEEN DEFINED BY!

If you are looking for truth...let your search stop at the Bible, the Holy Spirit can open your eyes to the revelation of truth, and plant the seed. Then it will need time to grow. But as it grows, you will become the bearer of truth.

The poor will always be among us.

It poses a challenge for me to write about the streets I live in. My neighborhood. The people I encounter daily. The looks I get. You see, I live in South Bogota. South Bogota is one of the most dangerous places in all Colombia. It is the '"ghetto", it is the dark alley you don't want to walk down. It is not uncommon for me to hear gun shots, to be told to watch out for a murderer on the loose, to see gangs, to watch drugs being distributed, and to have the crime scene unit arrive because of a murder. This is the "dangerous" part of my world. But, those are just some of the faces I see on the street.

The other day I encountered 2 homeless gentlemen. One was dressed in a pair of pants that had been duct-taped down the seam, his clothes were dirty and he had tied a suitcase to his hand (so it wouldn't be stolen) and was just standing, waiting for someone to show compassion on his situation. The other was walking around looking for items that people had thrown out, he carried a pair of shoes, computer parts, and plethora of other peoples trash.

I also see the poor-working class. They are hard workers. One man is a car repairman. Everyday, he is out repainting or soldering...but the other day, he stopped just to tell me how beautiful my eyes were. (And unlike most of the guys who do similar things here, he was genuine, and not creepy about it!) Then you have your bakery, where maybe 5 customers come in all day, but the prepare as if it would be 1000. And hairstylist, and the fruit market...the list could go on and on...and the poor-working class people have one thing in common...THEY AREN'T GOING TO RIP YOU OFF. They work hard for their measly wages.

But, what the Lord has been stirring in my heart as I walk the streets, are the homeless people I have seen. When was the last time that you were so desperate for money that you duct-taped you pants? Or when was the last time you went digging through the garbage to find food, or something to sell? The Bible says that the poor will always be among us. I knew that was true, but now it is my world. What brought them to this place of having no home? Would you ever hire someone who was dressed up in their finest clothes that were duct-taped? Would you get angry at one of them for sitting in front of your high dollar business trying to make some money? How do you respond to the homeless?

Over the last couple weeks, the Lord has broken my heart for their souls, for their lives. My judgments, my perceptions, my fears of them have all had to come into account. What I wonder is how are we, the "rich", taking care of the poor? Are we being like the rich man who only fed crumbs to Lazarus? Are we trying to be "safe" by not letting one into our homes? Or are we offering a cup of cold water in the name Christ? Are we laying down our perceptions, so that we can think of them as better than ourselves?

I'm still fighting with all these thoughts, but I just wish you could see what I see every day. Souls in the balance. Men and women who have no hope of heavenly or earthly success. Many of the people I encounter are born into street life, others you may know may have made some wrong choices so now this is their lot. But let's not base a person's soul on past decisions. But instead, let's change the lenses in our glasses and begin to see them as God sees them.

What are you going to do for the homeless and the poor in your community?

An oops days.

I wish that I could take back all the aspects of today.

Do you ever have those days when you make choices that you regret? Not ones that are "bad" or "sinful" but just not the right ones?

Well that was pretty much all my choices today. Dang.

Glad that the mercies of the Lord are new every morning...I look forward to receiving those!

And this is my God

For unto us a child is born

And the government will be upon his shoulders

And his name shall be called:

Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace

Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end

On the throne of David and over his kingdom

To establish it and uphold it

With justice and with righteousness

From this time forth and forevermore

The zeal of the Lord of Hosts will do this

Pands.

It is bitter-sweet. Even more so than the day I came to Colombia. Two lives that were intertwined together for many years are now, most likely to be forever separated. Separated not because of our own doing, but rather the Lord's direction in our steps. A best friend is one that can never be severed from your heart...but the idea of never being able to live life again with her, to season through life together with her, causes my heart to ache and wish for it to become as it once was.

But alas...I have to let go. I thought I had. I thought me moving away and being independent was a sign of just that. But tonight with the great news of the journey that lies ahead of her, I can't help but think what I just might be forever losing. My closest friend.

Maybe all is not lost. Maybe I'm a bit sentimental. Maybe, I'm just selfish in my extreme loneliness to have a friend alongside of me for the remainder of my time on earth. What ever it is...sadness still rises up in me, accompanied with great gratitude for vision and direction in her life.

So it is bitter-sweet.

Today.

I want to crawl into his arms tonight and feel the safety of his breath on my neck, and his guarding embrace. Something real. Something I can feel. The one that God has chosen me to live the rest of my life with. I dare not utter the truth of my heart, for fear of my own dissatisfaction with my own lot. I want to be married.

I want to be married for a plethora of reasons. But tonight's reason is found in the events of today. Today, a raging fire was started in the building behind (literally their wall touches our wall) my office. Nothing intentional. It was a wax factory, and they believe that a cable caught fire, and because they use diesel in the wax, it began a blazing inferno and caused a small explosion.

I was in my office when it happened...completely oblivious. The others who were with me walked out. I could hear commotion outside, but nothing way out of the ordinary. But the sounds of the people grew. I assumed that we must have invited all the boys to our house for some reason...so I walked out to see what party was going on out there. I, naively, asked what was going on. They said turn around...I did, and as I turned, the heat grazed my face. What I saw was flames engulfed in smoke. The mixture looked like a chemical fire. They flames were gigantic, and I don't recall being able to see the sky. And the flames appeared to be coming from the building I was just in. But they couldn't have been...I was just there! Then came the all the emergency evacuation procedures...and my mind was left to wonder.

They weren't coming from there, but from behind there. The building I was in was the only one of our 5 buildings in the surrounding blocks to be damaged. Well, destroyed is probably a better word. I haven't seen it live, but the pictures showed much more damage than I imagined. We lost a bit...but not a lot. All of our 100 children were safe. All of the houses for the children were for the most part untouched. I saw the protection of the Lord in it's fullness. The explosion (from the diesel) happened very near to where I was...I was unscathed.

Bless the Lord for his protection.

I want to put out there a couple of things so you understand the ground rules of what I'm about to express.

1. I have drawn near to Him and He has drawn near to me. A husband is not a replacement of Christ and his workings, only an extension. One of the many things that are a tangible representation of Christ.

2. I'm not discontent with my season in life. I wouldn't change being a missionary in Colombia and giving up my dream of being married to an American and soon...for the world. You can gain the world, but lose your soul.

3. I'm not desperate, or actively looking for my future husband to fill a need that I have. I have needs...but they are being fulfilled through the love of God, especially in this season (If you want to know about my season, ask.)

What I'm about to express, is a want. A desire. A currently unfulfilled desire. AND THAT'S OK.

I'm scared. Not outwardly, but inwardly I'm shaking from the events of today. I want to have a husband to stand by me and help me stand when I want to faint. To bring out the tears that I can't express because I have to put on a strong face. To be able to put my guard down with, because he is ok with me being weak, seeing it as an opportunity to strengthen me by washing me in the word. To hold my hand, because he knows his touch will comfort.

I am far from the belief that marriage is only so I can be satisfied. Everything I have mentioned above is only for my benefit. Marriage is two-sided...and I would want to do the same thing for him when he was afraid. But tonight I'm afraid.

So tonight...I'm wishing for him. But as my dad says..."if wishes and buts were candies and nuts, it would be Christmas everyday." Don't really know what it means but sounds good, huh?